Round about this time last year, I reacted to all the Valentine’s Day marketing and an empty apartment by chucking bacon in a pan, attempting to shape it into a rose once cooked, winding it about a piece of asparagus, and covering the lot with melted chocolate. This proved to be an entertaining, if messy, decision, and kept me from writing mediocre and lachrymose poetry for, let’s see…a whopping 9 days, according to the archives.
So it stands to reason that I could prevent myself from writing any woebegone verses all through the coming week by making them again.
Not only so, but given the magic of WordPress statistics on readers’ search terms, it has become clear to me of late that a passel of people are interested in the reality of a chocolate-covered bacon rose; some, in fact, desire that the thing be delivered to them, or their respective beloveds.
So. Rest assured, readers, there are plots and schemes in motion to see if this might be made reality next year. At present, however, there is too much going on in the coming fortnight for me to be of much use to you, except as your virtual Virgil. If you wish for your favorite person to have chocolate-bacon roses (whether or not your favorite person is yourself), well, do this labor of love for him. Or her.
Gather your bacon, your broiler pan, your huddled flower petals yearning to breathe free…
…and have your chocolate, your floral wire, a new paintbrush for chocolate detail, and a really rather tall vase on hand.
Last year’s efforts, and this website, taught me that making the bacon into a rose shape before cooking it is far more stable than coaxing cooked bacon into a flowery form; the bacon that bakes together stays together. I am all about stability in my foodstuffs, so I rolled thick and thin strips into a variety of rosebuds (go here for a good idea of how to make a more rose-looking bud) and set them on my broiler pan.
This allows the grease to drain off and allows for better cooking (the mini muffin tin isn’t necessary unless you need guidelines to keep your blooms on the small side). They stayed in the 375 degree oven for 30 or 35 minutes (more wouldn’t have hurt, but the hissing of the bacon grease made me nervous).
There were faux flower stems on hand this year, though I found that some of my bacon blossoms were a bit too ponderous for them; they bent under the weight of the rosebud in an unbecoming fashion. Be that as it may, I carried on, reinforcing the stems with floral wire before topping them with the roses and painting chocolate on the petals. This made for a less-chocolatey flower, overall, but that also made them easier to eat, so hey. You win some, you lose some.