You’d think those three things didn’t go together. There’s not a lot of danger involved in sewing, so you’d think. And yet, you don’t allow for temperament. To me, anything I am not sure of but must act on regardless, is dangerous. Perhaps that is why practicing the violin doesn’t gall me anymore. I’ve realized that I can try things until they are nearly flawless before anyone even looks at me. Takes the danger right out. But almost nothing else in life works out this way. You have to act and deal with the results, much more often than getting to rehearse a situation and then make your way through your own choreographed steps. So scary! (*strong shudder*)
So sewing is dangerous. And last night, I faced a dragon. Fine, a sewing dragon, but it was a hideous beasty. Hideous, I say!
I am making a sort of jumper thing. It’s a really cute pattern, but it has an uneven hem, and an uneven waist. Confronted with a skirt full of zigs and jags and a bodice full of zags and jigs, I was unable to fathom how the two work together. In fact, let’s move this into a more accurate tense. I am still currently wholly unable to align the zigs with the zags and the jigs with the jags. Right sides together, anyway. I can hold it up and mutter creatively with ease….
Last night I pinned it this way and that way and the other way. I tried 50% here and 50% there and 48.7% a little further on. It was very awkward, as my arithmetic shows. There are a lot of wrong ways to do a thing, and I was starting to get angry at how many ways the skirt does not attach. So I made a bold and daring decision. Bold and daring doubles the risk, you see, by compounding the adjectives. It’s an exponential thing.
Well, I pinned it one of the many ways, and just sewed the thing. I hid the worst of the decision making in the back. Worst comes to worst, I’ll wear an apron backwards and no one will know.
I wish you could see the result. You are thinking “Aha! She took a chance and she succeeded! If you take a chance you will succeed. This is the moral of her story.” But no. It was a hilarious and comical (double the funny, as above) disaster. The “hiding” of the fudging in the back was the worst idea in the world. The front is short of fabric, and the back… doesn’t make it as far as a bustle. Falls far short, but makes a tragic and grievous attempt. In case you can’t hear me through my verbiage, it makes my bum look larger than life.
But, the dragon is slain. Because the answer to “what’s the worst that can happen” does not involve Armeggedon, lopped off limbs, or even distress of mind. It was hilarious, and the garment is nitgub the worse for taking a chance. Now, that, is a good moral for my story.