Searching for Scarey Sentances

All misspellings are intentional.

This year, at the instigation of my housemate Urania, we are holding a Halloween Party.

And because we prefer the Gothic and Intellectual to the ugly creepifying, (well, at least I prefer it,) we are confining ourselves to the theme of “Literary”. This means that our costumes – and costumes are always the real reason for having any Halloween party – must be modeled after a book character, an author, or something else creative and book-related.

Perhaps some daring soul might come as a bookshelf!

(My college roommate and I once dressed at Homeric similes: she was “Rosy-Fingered-Dawn” and I was the “Wine Dark Sea”.)

But such a strict theme does limit the cleverness of our decorations. We have candles and cobwebs and mood lighting, but there is just one last bit that I want to add to our mix;

The Wall of

Scarey Syntax

And oh! it will be rife with dangling participles, split infinitives, misspellings, interchanging wrong words, misplaced apostrophes, and everything that would frighten an embodiment of Literature herself!

This is in part because I was once a tutor for a writing lab, and thus was forced to suffer through much devastating grammar.

But mainly because I want to be clever. Somewhat. And humanities student would not get chills from such a Wall?

Here lies my trouble: I cannot create enough poorly written, humorous and slightly Halloween themed sentences. Thus far I have an entire catalogue of  . . . .  two.

The sentences that occupy our wall are as follows.

Dying painfully, the torturer elatedly watches you’re suffering.

Their maladroitly fumbling for they’re clothes, as the vampires voraciously and victoriously eviscerate the vacillating werewolves.

Well? Are these not among the most stomach-turning obliteration of grammar that you have ever read?

But now I need you’re your help. I need more example to place upon our wall, if we are to have an impressive showing.

What horrible sentences can you suggest?

(Also, you get more points for using cool words. I am thrilled that I used my favorite word ‘maladroit’.)

 

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