I am an egotist.
Therefore, I am compelled to
share enforce my accomplishments on the world at large, basking in the glory humility that comes with being recognized for who I really am.
Hey, there is only so much that a person can accomplish in a week! Sometimes even managing to remember to water my plants is an accomplishment.
Wait, I mean every time I remember to water my plants is an accomplishment! And while I have not completed all the tasks on my to-do list for the week, there are a few things that I have managed well enough to give a “DONE!” stamp to and send off to the Land of Past Tense.
To begin, I have compiled a list:
- I romped through Elysian Fields. (Otherwise known as a large University Library.)
- I avoided my Utopia essay (due this week) by starting my Allen Tate essay (due in two weeks).
- I planted tomatoes!
- I went swimming.
- I re-aggravated my poor baby broken toe by trying to genuflect during Mass.
- I avoided my Utopia essay by dusting the house.
- I reworked an old story that I wrote about a Troll. And Humanity.
- I avoided my Utopia essay by considering what I could write here.
- I did crunches in the pool and now my stomach is sore.
- I thought seriously about getting a pet hedgehog and naming it “Mrs. Tiddlywinkle,” or “Hephelump,” or “Vesper Holly”. (Quick! Name the books from which come all those names!)
- I discussed hedgehog names with my brother, who insisted upon “Rafeke”.
- I avoided an old man who tried to chat with me while I was swimming by diving under water when his attention was distracted.
- I watered my tomatoes.
- I avoided my Utopia essay by doing laundry.
- I flirted with a lizard. It was that expanding adams-apple.
- I restrained my vicious and blood-thirsty desire to burn Utopia to the ground.
- I contemplated painting my room black and grey, to reflect my mood.
- I reflected on how much better “grey” sounds than “gray”.
- I buried one sad, dead, tomato plant, and wept. The rest are living just fine. Why did he have to despair?
- I avoided folding my laundry by working on that Utopia essay.
- I realized that Utopia cannot be physically razed, and I gnashed my teeth.
- I remembered what an awesome word “gnash” is. It’s the silent ‘g’.
- I perused through a dictionary in search of more awesome words: found “lentingenuous” and “radicarian”.
- I created an account at Save-The-Words and adopted “radicarian”.
- I spent a great deal of time trying to think of how to use “lentingenuous” or “radicarian” in an essay about Utopia.
- I decided not to get a hedgehog right now.
- I gave up trying to be clever in the Utopia essay, and fell back on being rather snarky.
- I discovered that when there is 82% humidity, my hair actually becomes curly.
- I finished a draft of the UTOPIA ESSAY!!!!!!
- I drank a glass of wine and wrote this post to celebrate.